Just enjoying summer. :) Sorry no posts for awhile.

Sorry all!  I realize its been awhile since I have posted anything. With it being summer and still riding the IF roller coaster, time has flown by. Since I last posted I have been diagnosed with PCOS. The extent of it I have yet to find out. Had to switch docs once again. 3 in 2 months. Ugh. LOL First RE wasn’t worried about me not ovulating and didn’t want to do any type of a checkup. The next one who discovered the PCOS told me he couldn’t help me and the next step was either IUI or IVF. 

Started doing some research and found out that is not the case. So I am now waiting on my Appt. on August 1^st with our next doc who specializes in PCOS. Praying that when I see doc # 5 all the cysts are gone or not any bigger and he can give us some hope. Have to wait for CD 3 for blood tests to see the extent of the PCOS.  In the meantime I have started eating healthier, losing weight and taking herbs. I am at peace at the moment with everything that has been going on. I have been enjoying my summer and time with my hubby. He and I have become closer thru all of this over the last few months. The baby dance especially has gone from being a chore to fun and exciting again. Especially after reading the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy. Which I highly recommend. The 2^nd and 3^rd book in the series are a great love story. 

Anyways I will keep everyone updated at to what doc # 5 says. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer…can’t believe its almost August. Counted today, Florida is only 22 days away!!! I can’t wait!!! I have never needed a vaca some much in my life. 

When will my body start cooperating???

So this week I have been dealing with NO AF. Today is day 6 past due. Went to our RE last week for her to check my progesterone level. That came back super low and she didn’t seemed to be concerned. Basically said I didn’t ovulate last month and if I don’t start in a week call back and she will test to see if I am pregnant. Well in the mean time with all of this I have had CM everyday since last Wed. the 13 and stabbing cramps since then as well. Not right in my opinion something is wrong, this is NOT normal for me. So kicked that RE to the curb. LOL

As of yesterday I visited a New RE…doctor # 5. Yippee Skippie!! Get to explain what we are going thru all over again and tell our story from the beginning. He came highly recommended from the Hubby’s urologist and was very intelligent as I was speaking to him. So here's to hoping he will be the winner and fix the problem.

So the lovely part about all of this is, I should still be on the vitamins for the MTHFR I have, which the other RE told me to stop them. Who are you supposed to believe?? UGH! 

He did say that with my progesterone level as low as it was I didn’t ovulate and he doesn’t know why, but is going to find out. So the other RE was correct on that one. 

I also found out that we haven’t been thru all of the diagnostic testing possible. So at this time he is obtaining our records from all of the other doctors and I go back tomorrow for us to talk about a plan of action from here on out. 

Had another meltdown needless to say. This one was only an hour last night so I took my happy pills which are for emergencies only and went to bed. 

I am a hair away from giving up. We are basically back at square one. I am praying that maybe all of this happened for a reason so the doctor could find out what’s wrong once and for all. Because as of last month we had decided to stop all treatments and such and try on our own  after the old RE couldn’t find anything either. But now with my body and AF not cooperating here we are going thru testing and possible treatment again. 

I did consider using some of my short term leave from work to gain my wits about me and take a mental break. Not sure if the hubby will go for it though. 

August and our Florida vacation cannot come fast enough and will not be long enough. 

Hoping the week turns around…

Wishing Infertilty was just a bad dream I could wake up from! :(

Dealing with the surreal feeling today that the Infertity roller coaster is all a bad dream and I will wake up. But when??? When will this bad dream be over with??? When will my arms no longer be empty??? 

The other difficult matter at hand is all of the babies being born to people I know or know of. It was difficult months ago to hear of their pregnancy announcements and now to hear of the birth is just as hard. You always carry the hope that maybe with all of the other announcements you receive you will get to share your own, but not the case. Months have passed and still here I sit. Does it ever get any easier?

Some days I am fine and don’t let it consume me, other days its all I can think about. I keep hearing just relax it will happen or oh its not the right time. You are still young is one of my favorites. Why does it matter how old I am and to keep being told we have plenty of time drives me insane!!!  The longing to have a child is the same at any age, regardless if you are 28 or 38.

I am really at a loss and not sure of what to do, but pray. I had a 3 hour long meltdown a few Saturday’s ago, and that helped for a few days. I feel another one coming on, especially with the arrival of AF looming. UGH!!!

Its moodswing day! Watch out!

Nothing new going on lately after we decided last month to take a break from doctors and treatments and such. The hubby’s birthday is on Saturday he will be 28 so we will be busy this weekend with that. But otherwise pretty boring.

So on another note…I am ready to go on a crusade of yelling at every pregnant woman I hear complaining about being pregnant. I may have never of been pregnant, but I am sure it is difficult. I realize I may not understand the full extent of what is going on with their hormones and bodies as they don’t understand what it feels like walking the road of IF. But if we can sympathize with them and try to understand, then why can’t they not do the same with us???? Its already hard enough to be surrounded by pregnant women, babies, etc… but then to hear complaining on top of it.

All I keep asking God is why do I have to endure this day in and day out? What lesson is He trying to teach me? Why do I feel like I am being punished? I work with a newly pregnant woman, who yes, has been very sick so I can understand the discomfort, but all she does is complain about it. UGH!!!! She’s upset because this pregnancy is so hard and why can’t it be as easy as her first? She said she wonders why she even decided to have another. The new one this morning was, she is afraid because the child is giving her such a fit now that it will be horrible one its born.

I had to get up from my desk and walk away to get out of ear shot from what I was hearing. Our office is very quiet and she has a big mouth. So if I was to go and say something to her, everyone would know. I honestly don’t know if I can endure another 6 months of this. This person does know that I suffer from Infertility (not by me telling her, but by telling the wrong gossiper). So I sit and wonder…does she not think when she is complaining? Does she not care about who is around and listening, because now she has a reason to get attention. I just don’t understand and its so frustrating, my mood instantly changed when I heard her complaining. I was perfectly fine until it started.

I don’t know what to do or how to overcome these emotions and letting them wreck my whole day. I think a drink or 2 is in store for tonight.

Tomorrow is Friday!!! YAY!

Random things I find on Pinterest that I like sharing! :)

A Video of our Infertility Journey

The Sher Institutes are giving away a Free IVF cycle for Father's Day. We had to submit a video talking about our Journey through the land of What IF. Here it is. :)

Song of the Week!

Usually I try to post these on Monday, but its been a crazy week. So here it is a few days late!